Each tool moves a relationship closer to “with.” Not sure where to start? Begin with the SOFA Problem — it works in every situation.
Help someone get unstuck — and move from helping them to working with them.
When someone is stuck, our instinct is to help with suggestions, opinions, feedback, or advice. But SOFA puts people into fight or flight — they defend, shut down, or comply without ownership. Advice puts you behind their chair. These questions put you both at the fire.
Not what's wrong — what would they have more of if this were solved?
Find the hidden influence someone can't see in themselves — and surface it together.
When someone can't see their own strengths, they don't show up as confident — they show up as defensive, stuck, or invisible. You can't convince them out of that. But when you ask the right questions, something shifts.
When you can see someone's hidden influence, two things happen: they feel genuinely known — and you discover something about how you're paying attention. This tool does both.
The invisible current of how we affect others — and they affect us.
Every conversation is an exchange of more than just information. This tool reveals the impact of your interactions, showing where curiosity is already flowing and where there's more waiting to be found.
Every tool on this page follows the same pattern: Priority to Proof to Predict. You name what matters. You find the evidence that it's already there. Then you see what becomes possible.
That's not a framework you have to learn. It's a question sequence anyone can use in any conversation. It's built on a decade of research into how influence actually works between people. Not what you do to them. What you create together.